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Joke of the Day
"Man, this one always cracks me up... ...you know, the No. 17 one."
Next Joke
"Give a man a match and he's warm for a day.... Set fire to a man and he's warm for the rest of his life."
"My dad asked what I want for my birthday, I said 'I wanna watch'... so he let me! Let's hear YOUR favorite one liners! Cred to Rodney Dangerfield for that one."
"My first girlfriend, a beautiful blonde woman, left me after the first date She asked me what was my hobby and I said penetration testing"
"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and smell bad."
"Why couldn't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pterodactyl is extinct."
"What is black and blue and doesn't like sex? The little boy in my van."
"Helping my 5yo with his homework. Does anyone remember how to write the alphabet? Like with a pencil?"
"If you're smoking weed on the way to Home Depot I can predict your future, in 2 hrs you're going back to Home Depot."
"Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult."