2805

Joke of the Day

"Looked up from my phone for a few minutes. Wasn't worth it."

"""Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling."" - me as a doctor"

"Black magic is kinda racist, but it's better than nigga wizardry"

"What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire? They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises."

"My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates. That table was ruined."

"I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses."

"Describe your latest laid with a movie title! ""The Lone Ranger"" ""Home Alone"" ""Bend It Like Beckham"" Now it's your turn!"

"Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?"

"So is the 2020 Election Season open yet? Or is the succession now inherited?"

"[stewardess] ""Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"""