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Joke of the Day

"I warned my friend that the girl he was taking home looked underage, but he said... ""If there's grass on the field, I'll play."""

"Have you heard the joke about the margarine? I'd tell it you but I prefer it unsaturated."

"Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you're nuts."

"If you are looking for a bad girl, I have been known to shop at the art supply store on days they aren't having a sale..."

"The guy who developed Fractals.. The guy who developed fractals was Benoit B Mandelbrot, I heard the 'B' stood for 'Benoit B Mandelbrot'"

"TORTURER: I'm gonna water-board u ME: Hahaha, where u gonna find enough water TORTURER: *takes Tupperware out of the dishwasher* ME: Oh shit"

"I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person... ...and that person drinks a lot."

"Why do Baptists have so many children? They only use holy condoms."

"What do you call an army tow-truck? Camotow"

"Me: Baby I know you had a long day so I drew you a bath Her: Ah I can't wait to take it *hands her paper* Me: I used your eyeliner pencil"