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Joke of the Day

"I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose."

"What did the ""O"" call the Zero? Weirdo!"

"I'm concerned about my local funeral parlour closing down It's right on the high street, but every time I walk past it's dead in there"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, but its kinda hard to get em in there."

"*getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here."

"Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule"

"Did you hear about the mechanic who dreamed of being a plumber? It was all a pipe dream."

"Knock knock Who's there? Control Freak. Now you say ""Control Freak who?"""

"Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant."

"An unidentified van has left a couple of disposable cameras at a local CVS. Police are still investigating. We'll be sure to keep you up to date on this story as it develops."