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Joke of the Day

"""Man, I did so much shit today"" *throws away diaper"

"If there were no bad parents there would be no good strip clubs."

"I fell bottom-first on to a window today. It was a pane in the arse."

"How does Donald Trump plan to get rid of the mexicans? Juan by Juan"

"Just shared w/ my son the amazing story of a boy who wanted to go to his friend's house & didn't get to go & yet everybody lived in the end."

"Life Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked!"

"A body was found.... In the bus station early this morning. A man was drowned in milk, buried in Cheerios, with a banana stuxk in his ass. Police suspect a cereal killer...."

"I finally made something of myself It's a wad of hair and ear wax and snot sitting in the garbage can."

"*walks in at 3am* Wife: OMG, what happened? Me: I was attacked. [front door 5hrs later] Neighbor: What happened to our inflatable Santa?"

"Urine is the opposite of you're out."