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Joke of the Day

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."

"The part of the Harry Potter movies that I found most unbelievable was that mostly unsupervised teenagers never had wild keg parties."

"Thheres just not enough moisture in food now a days. Run that shit under the faucet"

"Not an Ostragoth Pun What do you call a Goth who has a great credit score? A Visa-Goth!"

"When it comes to cooking herb-crusted fish... ...there's a thyme and a plaice."

"I'll be serving Eggs Benedict on hubcaps for Christmas breakfast. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"Walking a straight line and tweeting is hard enough without this asshole shining a flashlight in my eyes."

"Whats the difference between a prostitute with dysentery and an epileptic oyster shucker? The oyster shucker, shucks between fits......."

"INTERVIEWER: Says here you have sloth-like reflexes? ME: *calls interviewer 3 years later* That is correct."

"Without that little voice in your head, you wouldn't be able to read this."