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Joke of the Day

"me: did you know beethoven was deaf date: the dog? me: of course the dog"

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? It's easy to roast beef..."

"Who's the only person known to have had sex with OP's mom? Sheriff Andy Taylor"

"[at restaurant on 1st date pretending not to be an eel] Date: The wine is lovely great choice Me: *helplessly slips off chair*"

"I believe the Pope did what all Catholics are told to do. Pull out early."

"I used to complain about the bright car lights in my rear view mirror I removed it awhile ago, and haven't looked back since."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ashley ! Ashley who ? Ashley-t's foot !"

"Why can't dwarfs sing? Because they can't reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk."

"I was bitten by a mosquito today. It sucked."

"Everyone quits smoking when they die, which sucks cause dying is a really stressful event that would be helped quite a bit by a cigarette."