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Joke of the Day

"My boss said to ""treat customers like you treat your mother"", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails."

"My girlfriend keeps telling me to buy camo because it's really in But I can never find it at the store."

"My girlfriend went to get her test results from the doctor today and it was bad news. He confirmed I'm about to become a husband."

"KFC has a new Hillary meal Its comes with two big thighs, two small breasts, and one left wing."

"How to get Laid: Lay in bed. Wait two hours. Lay becomes past tense."

"How many Jews does it take to change Hitler's mind? None, there has to be no Jews."

"Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window."

"Halfway into the 20km marathon, I saw my cheating g/f and told her that I was breaking up with her I guess it was the right thing to do in the long run."

"I do this cool trick when you introduce yourself where I concentrate on literally anything else in the universe except your name."

"Pete and Repete are in a boat together. Pete jumps out of the boat. Who is left in the boat?"