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Joke of the Day

"Ted Cruz thinks: 1. Presidents should pray every day 2. More prayers the better 3. Muslims pray 5x day 4. Ted Cruz wants a Muslim president."

"The more girls I have sex with... the more I love my goat."

"Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe hoe hoe"

"Some people are only alive in this world because I really don't want to be someone's b!tch in prison"

"What's a Jawa's favorite salad dressing? ....TAHINI!!!"

"""Sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately."" guy who actually thinks people notice when he's not tweeting"

"The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes."

"Hey!! pssst! Guys who wear camo to bars: There is a reason you're not getting laid...it's because the women can't see you.."

"there is this mom at work who breastfeeds her kid every meeting is a lunch meeting"

"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"