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Joke of the Day

"We all live in a yellow submarine... ...I really wish the bathroom was working right."

"At Subway I ordered a 12 inch sandwich, but instead they gave me a 6 inch sandwich Oops, wrong sub."

"A magician was driving in his car... ...and he turned into a driveway."

"Heard my ex tell one of his friends I was a stalker. Almost made me mad enough to come out of his closet and give him a piece of my mind."

"Why do women like men with moustaches? Because they immediately see something about you they can change."

"The other day me and my transgender mate Dave saw a bundle of mosquitoes eating several trout..... Dave asked - ""How did they get them ?"" I said - "" fly fishing"" and yes he is transgender."

"""It's not about the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean""... But it's hard to get cross the Atlantic with a rowboat"

"I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that."

"[first date] ""so what do you do?"" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager"

"The thing about reverse psychology is that everybody gives you downvotes..."