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Joke of the Day

"My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely but is best appreciated at a distance."

"Why was Samuel L. Jackson picking up ladies outside of the abortion clinic? Because he's a bad mother fucker."

"The hardest part of eating a vegetable... Is the wheelchair."

"the guy who named the spatula was so lazy. hes like ""what should i call this thing that spatulas?"""

"Boss: ""late again I see"" Brain: think of a good excuse! Mouth: ""your moms late."" Brain: wow...."

"Why did Hitler lose WWII? He did NAZI it coming"

"A man walks into a bathroom and slips on a turd.. Another man approaches and says ''are you alright mate? I just did that''"

"When life gives you melons... ...you may be dyslexic."

"I love rock and roll so put another dime in the juke box baby... then add ninety more cents to play one song."

"""Hey, I finally watched that movie you've been wanting me to see..."" ""Oh, so you finally saw Back to the Future?"" ""Sure did!"" ""It's about time!"""