190108

Joke of the Day

"People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why."

"At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall."

"Yesterday I burnt my food so black... ... it stole my bike."

"Have you heard the original version of Stevie Wonder's hit song? I just called to say.....I found the phone"

"Say what you will about terrorism in Europe At least our planes take off and land at an airport."

"""Nietzsche, what's the matter?"" ""Nothing."""

"Why didn't Hitler get tertiary education? He couldn't stand Jew-near college."

"MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship"

"My sister asked if I stole her cream sweater. Uh, yeah. Who else would've stolen it? You think a burglar broke in and was like ""Cute top!"""

"Literally The Best Joke Ever. The Best Joke Ever."