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Joke of the Day

"""That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing,"" I said. ""I bet you want my cock in you."" ""Dave,"" my wife said, ""do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?"""

"I wrote a Ricky Martin joke, but it was gay."

"FIFA just got caught taking bribes for the 2010 World Cup. What a kick in the balls."

"*saves baby from burning building* ""How can I ever repay you?!"" Favstar in the bio ""Oh I don't have Twi-"" *returns baby to burning building*"

"What do you tell a pornstar right before their video to pump them up? Get your head in the game."

"As an old muslim adage says ""When you get home, beat your wives and your children. If you do not know why, they know."""

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend called me a douche this morning... but I guess it explains why her sister smelled so much better after I finished banging her last night credit: /u/thehofstetter"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard. I just got laid."

"To all the single people this Valentines weekend Go fuck yourself ;-)"

"Where'd I drop my waffle? At the beach in San Diego."