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Joke of the Day

"What type of pasta is most likely to cheat for a musical award? Rigatoni"

"Seasons Greetings by Mary Christmas"

"[Courtroom] Judge: One more word & I'll hold you in contempt! Me: Yes! *jumps on his lap & throws arms around him* This is nice."

"What do you call a tank rolling through the streets of poland? Ghetto Blaster"

"My blood type is also my life motto: B Positive"

"Today in 1892, JRR Tolkien was born. He wrote about all the horrible things that will happen if you put a ring on it."

"Why men like to fishing so much? They finally found something as smart as them to talk to."

"To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, it did fuck all. For 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers...Cheers!"

"Yo mamma so ugly When one direction saw her they went in the other direction"

"[as i'm getting buried alive by a serial killer] wait stop who's gonna feed my tamagotchis"