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Joke of the Day

"Everyone around me is obsessed with finding true love. All I want is a girl who will laugh at my jokes."

"I hate having to walk behind a car... It's exhausting."

"What kind of noodles do they eat in the hood? Spaghetto."

"So many people want to hit me for my jokes, they have to stand in a punch line."

"TO: Everyone who has been run over by a boat in Venice... ...my deepest gondolances."

"People who tweet in riddles need to know I'm not Batman."

"What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls? Altha'or syzygena"

"My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys. EDIT: Holy crap! Front page!!!"

"Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!"

"Why don't girls have beards? It's in their ""jeans"" ;)"