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Joke of the Day

"My brother has muscular dystrophy and we got into an argument about religion I told him his argument is just as valid as his legs.... Weak."

"What do you call a blonde with brown hair? artificial intelligence"

"A skeleton goes into a bar... orders a beer, and a mop."

"I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes - ""open bar"""

"Sometimes I'll take such a good picture of someone I'm like ""this is definitely making it into the slide show at their funeral."""

"I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver."

"It's been 5 years now. I'm afraid that I actually might not be bloated."

"'This is the greatest thing since sliced bread!' Sliced bread peeks around corner, tears streaming, it was in the tv room & heard EVERYTHING"

"I like my women like I like my coffee All ground up and in the freezer."

"What did the zoophile scientist say to his assistant? If you need me I'll be in my lab"