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Joke of the Day

"8yo Me: *sneaks candy* 14yo Me: *sneaks cigarettes* 18yo Me: *sneaks alcohol* 43yo Me: *sneaks candy* Being an adult is stupid."

"Heck. Where you're darned to if you don't believe in Gosh."

"Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number."

"HOLY SHIT I JUST CORRECTLY GUESSED A WIFI PASSWORD AM I JESUS?"

"I realized that if a girl were to say ""don't rape me"" with her teeth knocked out it would sound a lot like ""doe ray me""... Either way it's music to my ears! Credit: comedian Shawn Pearlman"

"My dad asked me if it's true that if you spend too much time on Reddit, you'll become an idiot ""Kek"", I said."

"There's that man in Utah that makes cheese all by himself. They call him the Provo Lone guy."

"I just don't understand how to properly put together a play on words I think I'm just going to throw away my script for *The Dictionary in the Attic: An Anne Frank story*"

"My dad's TV volume is always set at ""f*ck the neighbors""."

"I come from a small town. I come from a town where the population never changes. Everytime a kid is born, some guy leaves town. Old Rodney Dangerfield..."