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Joke of the Day

"Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number."

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"What animals do you bring to bed? Your calves."
"My girl friend wanted a nose job... So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough."
"Why can't your wife make crispy bacon? Because she got used to your soft meat."
"What does a single, gay person watch at christmas? Homo alone!"
"Really short Mexicans should be called paragraphs Because they're not long enough to be an essay..."
"Her: Are you even capable of love? Me: I'm pretty sure I love pancakes."
"What part of a football ground is never the same ? The changing rooms !"
"How are wives like cholesterol? If you ignore them for too long they'll probably end up killing you"
"I switched my kids to almond milk. Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them ""Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."""