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Joke of the Day

"HOLY SHIT I JUST CORRECTLY GUESSED A WIFI PASSWORD AM I JESUS?"

"Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun"

"4 Jewish women go out for dinner When the waiter checks on them during their meal he asks ""is anything okay?"""

"Have you ever had a close call with a shark? No, but one did ring me up long distance once"

"I literally use hyperbole seven billion times a day."

"What's the difference between between a piano, tuna, and glue? You can tuna piano, but you cant piano tuna!"

"How many engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to talk about how complicated it was."

"How did Mace die? He was thrown out the Windu."

"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are running for president... Well, look on the bright side, Dick Cheney is not president."

"My ultimate dream is to move back home, open up a bar and run it with all of my friends, and then burn it down for the insurance money"