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Joke of the Day

"What's the best part about dating a homeless chick ? You can drop her off anywhere"

"Having Gay parents is the worst. You either get double the amount of Dad Jokes or stuck in an infinite loop of ""Go ask your mother""."

"Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food... Neither have they."

"It's hard to explain things to kleptomaniacs They always take things literally."

"In a recent drug use quiz at work, I won. Nobody got higher than me."

"2015: I can't believe people think the dress is blue and black 2016: I hope the human race doesn't destroy itself forever in violent chaos"

"I think the problem is that I'm 20% stud and 80% muffin."

"[throws dirty diaper away] - OMG WHAT R U DOING?! - it's gross im not touching that - GET THE BABY OUT OF THE TRASH & CHANGE IT! - ugh, fine"

"me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?"

"Joke of the Day 6/12/14 The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up,and I said "" Did you get my drift?""."