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Joke of the Day

"If God is always watching... ...then one day, while masturbating, I'm gonna look that motherfucker straight in the eye and finish like a boss."

"If I haunt your house after I die and you hear strange noises, I probably just want you to change the TV channel. Please don't ghostbust me."

"This subreddit used to be funny until chickens started screwing light bulbs."

"People who continually put the toilet paper roll in backwards are evolutionary dead-ends, like the Neanderthal."

"What do you call a guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows"

"2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2."

"Batman Pros: Intelligence, strategist, master fighter, money, Shit shaped like bats, Alfred Cons: Robin"

"A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York, was told by her mother to put on clean socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on."

"Hey, are you from Ireland? Because when I see you, my penis is Dublin"

"They say women only use 10% of their anger"