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Joke of the Day

"I wish my grass was more emo. Then it would cut itself."

"...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more"

"How many ants does it takes to fill an apartment? Ten-ants"

"""Well, there goes the end of my arm,"" said Tom offhandedly."

"I used to have S.I.D.S now I have PTSD :("

"Q: Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning? A: Because he can't see through the wall."

"I dont know why its called kidnapping, Ive never got one of those little bastards to fall asleep"

"Why couldn't the blonde make icecubes? because she lost the recipe."

"Wait. I thought Fifty Shades of Grey was just a coloring book for dogs."

"A pig walks ito a bar ot aother bar joke. Just my fuckig ' ' key is't workig."