25436

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the special offer at the Mexican carpet store? UNDERLAY UNDERLAY UNDERLAY!!!!!!!!"

"When I go to Subway I always bring a pair of pants that are 10 times to big for me and high five all the workers."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day"

"A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk TO EACH OTHER instead of about each other."

"Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere"

"A neutrino walks into a bar... and it just keeps on going."

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"My little sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti... You should have seen her face as I drove pasta :b"

"The difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I've learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff."