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Joke of the Day

"I just ate my yogurt with a fork, because I've learned that if it looks like you have your shit together, people ask you to do stuff."

"Brain cancer from cell phones is no longer considered a risk because who holds their phone up to their head anymore?"

"The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an ""I'm cooler than you"" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me"

"Monica Lewinsky says she's not voting for Hillary if she runs because... ...the last time a Clinton was in the White House it left a bad taste in her mouth!"

"I hate it when I'm having the most delicious meal in the world and someone walks into the kitchen and tells me to get out of their house."

"How does a penguin make a decision? Flipper coin. Again, I shall take my leave."

"Native Americans are the most successful strippers. Cause when they dance, they make it rain!"

"""Son, I found a condom in your room"" ""Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"" ""Why are you calling me Grandpa?"" ""Because I couldn't find it yesterday."""

"Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it."

"How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet? Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas."