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Joke of the Day

"[at restaurant] ""check, please!"" [waiter leans over] sir, again, there are no monsters under the table ""ok....goodnight"" wait what"

"[loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks."

"A three legged dog walks into a bar... He pulls out a gun and says, "" I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!"" "

"So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way."

"""Trump is a good businessman"" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING"

"If a glow worm were to have its tail cut off ... ... would it be de-lighted?"

"Did you hear about the guy who ate his trousers? He pooped his pants!"

"Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed"

"Get rich or die of poverty-related causes"

"I wasn't trying to break you up, but she asked me what I did last night, and your name came up. *shrugs"