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Joke of the Day

"Listening to NPR during fundraising campaigns has prepared me to ignore my kids when they ask for money."

"A man asked his mother ""How will I ever find the right woman?"" She replied ""Forget finding the right woman, focus on being the right man."""

"Two mathematicians were chatting online... 1st mathematician: Gimme 5! 2nd mathematician: 120"

"Hey people that knock on locked restroom doors, what are you expecting? ""hey I'm taking a shit but come on in and join me"""

"How many Fat Acceptance Movement activists does it take to change a light bulb? You don't need to change your bulb. Light or heavy, you are beautiful and worthy of acceptance."

"So I was having sex with a crazy girl. I was fucking insane ..."

"""Hey honey"" *drags a cigarette* ""have you ever"" *drinks some scotch* ""slept with a guy"" *sucks a lollipop* ""with three arms?"""

"The Royal baby weighed in at almost 9 pounds Which is just under $15 US"

"I like my women like I like my rice.... ....Hot, white, and lifeless."

"Father: *places hand on shoulder* My son..... *Son: Yes father? *Father: Check out this cool severed hand I just found! editted for format, which I suck at apparently"