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Joke of the Day

"*suddenly awakes* honey! i just had a nightmare that i was naked at a job interview, licking BBQ sauce off the guy's face interviewer: ummm"

"A guy at work lost his thumb and had to replace it with his big toe. (True Story) Now we ask to get ""your foot off the table"" when he's eating."

"Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard."

"Al Gore should start a band and call it Algoreithms."

"Woke up late, so I put Red Bull in the coffee machine instead of water. Got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my fucking car!"

"(p + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln I just foiled your plan."

"Abortions occur when the Stork is flying over a ravine, gets tired of carrying things and says ""Fuck this."""

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly. Feminists can't change anything!"

"Satan: you can spend eternity in hell OR you can go to work for the first time in 5 days. Me: hmmm Satan: well? Me: IM THINKING, DAMN IT"

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat."