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Joke of the Day

"I was browsing sex toys online today and was shocked to find out how much all of my wife's vibrators cost... She's sitting on a small fortune..."

"If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven... is doing it in the shower a German oven?"

"Somebody called me pretentious today... I almost choked on my chai latte."

"What is a oreo? 2 gang members smashing a white boys face."

"Why are the cops shooting so many black men? There's plenty of Mexicans to shoot too. Yeah I'm going to hell for that one."

"How many 2nd trumpets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They can't get that high! (My band teacher told me that one today)"

"""No!"" -An A to Z guide to parenting."

"I gave up on photography. Couldn't focus."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""We've got a drink named after you."" The grasshopper says: ""You've got a drink named Steve?"""

"If there's one thing I really can't stand when I'm drunk, it's up."