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Joke of the Day
"What do you call an arrogant convict coming down the stairs? A condescending con, descending."
Next Joke
"If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!"
"Who's your friend who likes to play? **JOHN CENA** *DUn DUnDUnDUn DUn DUnDUnDUn.*"
"What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire? mourning wood"
"Most of my parenting skills come from watching Animal Planet."
"The tornado warning siren has just stopped going off That's either good or terrible"
"Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life? Me: Define ""someone"" Mom: You know, a boyfriend. Me: Define ""boyfriend"""
"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs Now we have no money, no hope, or jobs."
"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"
"What do you call a geologist who can't hear? Stone deaf..."