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Joke of the Day

"What was the only thing missing from phil hughes' last innings???? -a duck"

"Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win."

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"

"So I was on tindr today and someone offered me a $125/hr ""girlfriend experience"" So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?"

"What did the pedophile from Ireland say? Irish I was a little boy."

"Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!"

"I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days. Send help."

"An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.VCN"

"How can you tell if someone does crossfit? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late."