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Joke of the Day

"Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win."

"If a ""cougar"" is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women? a gym teacher"

"""Pass the joint."" -Cannibals at dinner"

"I made a Wooden Engine.. Everyone was shocked to see that it wood work."

"I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay ...and do away with insertion fees."

"Hey, have you heard about the new Micheal Bay film? I've heard the lead role goes to explosions."

"To all the girls who take pictures in the bathroom in public places, I'm taking a dump in the stall behind you....Don't forget to tag me"

"date: and then after traveling to Iceland I decided to get my MBA me: date: me: I went to Arby's 7 times yesterday"

"To all the people who doubted me growing up: looks like you're gonna be right on this one. Well played."

"A lot of people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Stephen Hawking disagrees."