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Joke of the Day

"why pay kristen stewart millions of dollars when a cardboard cutout of kristen stewart will give the exact same performance for free"

"Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle."

"My dog kept digging holes in the back yard... ..so I hide all the shovels"

"'Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the mall There were multiple reports of trampling injuries."

"Why do people leave letters at the football ground ? They want to catch the last goal-post !"

"Imagine a drunk porcupine trying to sneak into bed without waking his porcupine wife but his porcupine wife put balloons everywhere."

"Having kids is like getting a stupid tattoo... It takes most people a couple years to realize how bad they fucked up."

"Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says ""hey you get off of my cloud!"" while a Scotsman says ""Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"""

"I named my kids after the place they were conceived Although I'm almost 100 percent sure Intheass isn't mine."

"Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I've always used Google and I'm super [googles synonym for smart] able."