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Joke of the Day

"What did the detective particle say to the suspect particle? I got my ion you."

"The Jewish Dad A Jewish kid asks his dad for $50. His dad replies ""$40?! What the hell do you need $30 for?!"""

"BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]"

"Wife: ""Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?"" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] ""Who would do that?"""

"How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!"

"Did you hear a bunch of surgeons are at the comedy club? It's open Mike night."

"Joined Match.com... And all I got was a lit cigarette"

"I sent in a list of my top ten puns to the newspaper hoping at least one would be selected for the joke of the day. Sadly, no pun in ten did."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come onto a boy's face until he's 13."

"Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out"