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Joke of the Day

"How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!"

"Greatest pickup line that never works!! I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U."

"You know how after you get off a boat, your body still feels like it's on the boat for a while after? I'm like that with beds."

"My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg."

"I'm a bit of a self deprecating comedian, I must admit, I'm not very good."

"Cute cat ""Thanks. We dont let him in though cause he shreds"" You mean sheds? ""No"" [gestures to cat shredding to Van Halen on the back patio]"

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"The other day, a clown held the door open for me. It was a nice jester."

"What do you call a pig that can't be seen? Hamouflage"

"What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!"