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Joke of the Day

"I was gonna go on a double date the other day... But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me."

"What do you call a retarded psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at-large!"

"My girl must be planning a big April fools joke or something. She's been agreeing w/ me all morning. Either that or she got mad cow disease."

"You know which presidential candidate in 2020 will have the hardest time? Tom Cotton. Having to tell black people to ""Pick Cotton!"" in 2020."

"There are three types of people in the world... those who can count, and those who can't."

"Being a courteous dinner guest, I always offer to do the dishes. I'm not the one who's going to eat off them next. Quick rinse works for me."

"Maybe don't show me a picture if you don't want me to rate your baby."

"What did the pints say upon landing on Planet Metric? ""Take us to your liter."""

"When i dont understand a joke I read on /r/Jokes I don't get it"

"I'll tell you what I know about dwarfs! Very Little Courtesy of Jimmy Carr"