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Joke of the Day

"I've got a 100 question vocab quiz this friday on 9/11... Well I guess I'm gonna bomb it"

"ageism fascinates me because it's the only ism with this built-in inevitable irony. like, no racist gradually changes into a hispanic"

"Showed my husband all the super-awesome Twitter lists I'm on. He put me on a list called People I Probably Shouldn't Have Married."

"Me: Nice biker jacket. You ride? Him: No Me: So you're a liar? Him: Me: Him: Nice yoga pants Me: That jacket looks so awesome on you!"

"*pulls away from kissing -What does CVS stand for?"

"PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*"

"Why do Java programmers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

"Hey Hollywood, time to start using a new fake phone number. This 555 bullshit takes me out of the moment every time."

"Hot tip: Apparently it's frowned upon to make the sound effect tssst when being blessed by a priest"