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Joke of the Day

"Me: What's with the look? Hub: How would you like a full-service massage? Me: I would, but will you and the kids be okay while I'm gone?"

"My fake ID is so good, bars never suspect I'm not an organ donor."

"What font is used for alphabet soup. Times New Ramen"

"Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem."

"Cubs fans last night looked more distraught than Patrick Kane's last blind date."

"There should be more than one kind of handicapped parking placard. ""I have no legs"" and ""My knees gave out at 350 lbs"" aren't the same."

"If someone tries to shoot the President... The Secret Service will have to yell ""Donald duck!"""

"What You're Saying with Your Drink Choice Lol"

"Remember before the smartphone when you had to take your laptop into the bathroom with you? God, it's like we were cavemen."

"Which tax haven is a daddy? The Cayman Islands"