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Joke of the Day

"*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar."

"[Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*"

"Some might say I peed my pants. I like to say I voided my bladder into my trousers like the classy refined gentleman that I am. #bt140"

"What does a buisness man wear to the beach A wet suit What am i doing with my life..."

"The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked ""What are you doing with your life?"" ""I'm up."""

"How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day? Because Russia was Stalin"

"Guys, I think Trump's immigration policies just might work China built a wall and they have like, no Mexicans."

"Finding girls is like playing blackjack. I always try to go for 21 but end up hitting on 14."

"So I asked my Doctor, ""Doctor, what are we going to do about this dangerous virus from Africa?"" He said, ""I don't know, he has two more years in office."""

"Why are Americans so bad at MOBA games (League of Legends, Dota, Heroes of the storm, etc.)? They can't defend towers."