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Joke of the Day

"The bad news: I shaved off my beard. The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me."

"Third time's a charm... Is a much darker phrase in Germany"

"My compass I have a compass, but instead of North, South, etc, it just points to Orc's, so when people ask me for directions, it's always orcward."

"Doctor Doctor I'm boiling up! Just simmer down!"

"What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves? I expect to Potter-own 'em."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? It's the C"

"Text abbreviations date back to the days of the telegraph with common shorthand like DFMWOL for ""Dying From Musket Wound Out Loud."""

"Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'"

"I started breeding pygmy malamutes, and I gave one to my SO, but they left me before they saw the puppy. All I said was, ""Hey, you're getting a little husky."""

"ESPN just did a Top 5 Greatest Comebacks of All Time and there was some guy running with a ball but like literally no mention of Jesus"