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Joke of the Day

"A way you can tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to pronounce the word 'unionized'"

"I've been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious."

"What is the friendliest kind of aircraft? A Hello-copter."

"[dinner w/friends] ""How long you two been married?"" It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time."

"If Love is like Chemistry. I am a noble gas."

"How did the blind carpenter regain his eyesight? He picked up his hammer and saw."

"Open bottle, allow it to breathe. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth to mouth -Beer"

"Do you know what's really tiring../? ... being awake."

"Sometimes when I look into the toilet I realize that I'm not a regular guy."

"I am a staunch traditionalist. I believe that texts should only be sent from phones. Soon ppl will text from kitchen device. makes me sick"