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Joke of the Day

"Her: how are you Me: good Her: you sure? Me: yup Her: you're alright? Me: yes.. Her: really? Me: Her: are y-- Me: people like you go missing"

"Ive been stupid enough to develop amnesia... I dont know what i was thinking ..... ~~*ba dum tissss*~~"

"Wife left a note on the fridge it says ""It's not working, gone to my mom's"" I opened it and opened a beer, it's cold, the fridge works fine?"

"I bought a book about addiction I've read it 50 times and it still hasn't helped."

"I finally figured out the secret to click bait. It is to repost the title every week."

"I saw the most unnecessary roundabout the other day... ...it was literally pointless"

"police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering"

"I was fired from Ford today I kept losing focus"

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"Paris joke (fair warning) Looks like America isn't the only ones who like their french fried. #fuckcommies #fuckterrorism #gofrance #goamerica #laughtoeasethepain"