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Joke of the Day

"You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?"

"Why can't ghosts have babies? Because they have Hollow-Weenies!"

"Why couldn't the boarder throw out his collection of potted ferns? They were his best fronds."

"What Does Reddit stand for? Reddit: Re-Downvote Downvote it."

"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent."

"Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft"

"Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?"

"What do I get when I raise up a platform to play Mozart? Amadeus on my dais."

"I have to come clean... So I just whack off in the shower."