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Joke of the Day

"I repeatedly slapped my girlfriend as hard as I could at the concert last night. I was clapping for the band."

"When is the only time a Muslim bets? When there is a prophet involved."

"Why did a kid get arrested for taking a home made clock into school? Sounds like he had already done the... time"

"Did you hear about the woman who got Alzheimer's after removing her breasts? She lost her mammaries"

"If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help."

"I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out... But I just couldn't raisin with her. I'll see myself out."

"I queued up for ages to get cod earlier... ...but they sold out, so I got a battered sausage instead."

"My ex just called me, sobbing on the phone to tell me she has AIDS and I should get checked. The hardest part is acting surprised."

"What do you call it when someone starts telling a joke"

"Trees are really rude They're always throwing shade!"