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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that girl in the terrible car accident the other day? Her entire left side had to be amputated. She's all right now."

"What does a vampire drink while on a diet? Blood Light."

"North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got married. Proving there's someone for every un."

"Did you hear about the constipated composer? He couldn't finish the last movement."

"Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck asshole."

"There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murders, but why are there no 90th degree murders? Because murder is not right"

"What do you call a Jewish pokemon trainer? Ash."

"My wife said she wanted more variety in our sex life. Now I tell a few jokes, fuck her then sing a song."

"A man just came up and threw milk in my face. How dairy."

"If you love something keep it in the refrigerator, keep it fresh, that thing you love is a lot like mayonnaise."