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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that girl in the terrible car accident the other day? Her entire left side had to be amputated. She's all right now."

"What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you? ""You can have my beer if you let me go."""

"I'm only tweeting this to keep myself from looking up from my phone and accidentally making eye contact with a stranger."

"What the person on the street corner approaching me w a pamphlet doesn't understand is I want the world to end"

"All these jokes about the note 7 are terrible But they have really blown up ( )"

"I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window."

"I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino."

"At least you'll be able to watch Jeremy Clarkson on Dave for the next 12 years."

"I would tell the one about Jonestown.. But the punch line is too long"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? ""See you next month!"""