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Joke of the Day
"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? ""See you next month!"""
Next Joke
"This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas... I think this time, we should let them in..."
"dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun"
"There are only 2 Canadian things I don't like: 1) Celine Dion 2) Canadian geese Guess which one is chasing me everytime I go outside."
"a study shows that 40% of Japanese people have cataracts. the other 60% have Mitsubishi's edit: Mitsubishi to be said in best racist Japanese accent"
"Psycho ward break They were all apprehended quiet fast. Seems they were all logged on Reddit at the same time."
"[almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope"
"What is the most confusing holiday in Detroit? Labor Day."
"Ordered a pumpkin spice latte this morning and now I have bangs and work at Anthropologie."
"My voicemail greeting is just me strangling a cat while reading bible passages."