23500

Joke of the Day

"Ugh. New Year's Eve is just around the corner and I STILL haven't picked out which gang sign I'm going to hold up in photos"

"Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes."

"Why shouldn't you give a meth addict laxatives? because it's already hard enough for them to keep their shit together."

"What's the difference between a troll and a goblin? I never come home to find my wife troll up some guys nuts!"

"when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, ""yeaa...at the grocery store."""

"What do you call a skinny person with a lisp Methed up"

"Why did that guy shoot up the church in South Carolina? He thought it was the white thing to do."

"""They say penguins can't fly. Can't? Or never got the chance?"" I whisper in the penguin's ear, shoving him out of the aircraft."

"What do air and sex have in common? Neither is terribly important until you're not getting any."

"*strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called ""I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"""