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Joke of the Day

"HATE when this happens: Get in Bed. Get perfectly comfortable. Suddenly must pee."

"Taylor Swift seems like one of those chicks who thinks it's cute to put her bare feet on the dashboard of a car when riding shotgun."

"After 10 years of marriage I've composed a check list of good reasons to get married. 1) Your family is being held hostage. 2) 3)"

"I saw my brother kiss my uncle today. I'm starting to think he's relatively gay."

"Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road? Trick question. There are no roads in Africa."

"I like my men like I like my books; easy to read and waiting for me in bed. ... And does the dishes. Ok this isn't working"

"How do scientists develop chewing gum flavors? Through ex-spear-i-mints."

"Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!"

"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company... We're not very good."

"Me: *eating a Mars bar* Martian: Good grief where will I obtain alcohol now"