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Joke of the Day
"Without ME, it's just AWESO."
Next Joke
"What do you call a bean that's good at silent acting? A pintomime."
"If the pen is mightier than the sword... ... Then why do actions speak louder than words?"
"There are only two types of news: Real news and faux news."
"[to a straight couple] Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian"
"I asked my friend if he ever went skiing. . . ""Not in real life, only in Florida."" "
"Did you know: the human body is 60% water, 20% hair, 34% rope, 9% tubes, 12% earrings, 99% eyes, 13% jubjubs, 6% dingdongs, 100% crannies"
"There's plenty of deeply disturbed fish in the sea."
"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies! ^tee ^hee"
"20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*"