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Joke of the Day

"Alcohol is nothing but poison But I drink because there are just things inside of me that need to die."

"What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck"

"Did you hear about the new circumcision clinic opening up? I hear the doctors only work for tips."

"What dose a old lady got between her tits? Her belly button."

"Time Magazine lists the 140 best Twitter feeds. Maybe later my fax machine will list the best smartphones."

"The 1996 film ""Crack"" was directed by whom? Francis Snort Cokealot"

"At the end of camp Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed. 'How did your trunk get so neat?' she asked her messy daughter. 'It was easy' said Julie. 'I just never unpacked!'"

"When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things."

"What do bears get at raves? Mauly."

"Damn girl are you a pet rock? Because I want you in my butt."