231611

Joke of the Day

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"How do you define a farmer? Someone that's outstanding in their field."

"Who do you sell second hand bikes to? A re-cyclist."

"Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can't cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played......"

"When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"Pancake day has really crepe'd up on me this year."

"My phone died doing what it loves: dying."

"Why was the young golfer so angry? Because he was having a rough day."

"Why can't a T-rex clap? Because there extinct."

"*Writes a song for you* *Sings it under your bedroom window* *You call the cops* *Your husband falls in love with me*"